Friendship, whats it really worth?

I have been thinking about somethings lately and well since i already know somethings are pointless to .....maintain if you will. I mean i dont apreciate being told one thing and then having nothing else happen within that time frame. I mean why even bother telling someone something if you dont anticipate on doing anything about it, cant people be upfront about anything anymore?

My problem with the human race is i dont like them, there all stupid. weather the stupity be in smarts, common sense, or just the plain fact that there down right rude, or immpatient. Every one has there thing that drives me nuts... and thus that being my stupidity, i hate people because everyone has something that drives me nuts!! I am apparently anal retentive, a lil ocd, way to emotional, i fall in love to easily, etc.

Well if i wasnt anal retentive i wouldnt get things done, if i wasnt a little ocd id never find the things i need, if i wasnt as emotional as i am i would be a cold human being and probably be in a mental place, and if i didnt fall in love easily my life would be boring and i wouldnt learn from my mistakes, however long it may take me to learn them.

Everyone else seems to be two faced in my opinion. I do not appreciate being told something and then having them do another, that is one thing i try not to do. i am very upfront about things as much as i can be. Yes sometimes i do hide the truth a little bit to avoid confrontation, or hurting the persons feelings but i later admit to what i have done. But for some reason some people seem to think that i lie to them all the time, when in fact i do not, or hide things from them as well. Which i also do not. If they feel as if im hiding something from them then they need to say something to my face rather then behind my back and having me hear it from someone else, that is the worst thing ever.

Like for example, when you ask someone nicely to come see you and they say that they will and then they never show up, but yet you see them out and about... then they give you some lame ass excuse that i was busy doing something important. Yeah you best believe im gonna get pissed, i avoid the confrontation simply cuz i do not want to start something and i usually let it go. But this time around i am not. If it happens again i will not let it go i will confront them regarding the issue, and then if people have an issue with how i voice my opinion then they can go to hell.

I have very little friends as of right now, and to be complety honest with you. I dont need ANY friends to live my life, i have my family and thats all that matters to me. I have my husband to be, my daughter and my son. They are all i need in this life. I can always make new friends, and i can always get rid of them to.

Im getting to the point in my life where im about ready to delete everyone off of everything and then never log back on to anything. Except this blog seeing as its the only thing i have to let my inner feelings out in, and i dont care who reads it. If you dont like what i type then dont read it. Although i was surprised to have 15 people read this the other day! That was amazing!!! lol

Anyways, why dont you share what you hate about people ??

Nite all !!

Whats the point..

So I have been thinking in my head...

Since me and Adam are more then likely getting married what opinions do i have, what would i like, etc. ya know the usual thing a woman does when they want to get married. Cuz if i am correct there are two things in a girls life that they really look forward to, other then the usual milestones in life, these are the things they dream about there whole life, which are Prom and there wedding. well seeing as i never had prom. I have been thinking about our wedding, and well now that i have gone through everything in my head over and over and over again....ive come to realise that as much as i want a huge normal kinda wedding and ceremony...whats the point?? Really what the hell is the point?? For one, my family wont come cuz they just done care period, i dont have any friends, so i wouldnt even have a wedding party, and the friends that i thought were my friends, ya know the ones that i have invested emotional connections with but yet dont talk to me...well thats just it they dont talk to me. I mean honestly i would love to know who the hell would actually come to our wedding if we had one?? I really would.

Cuz i honestly cant see alot of people even caring that i was getting married.

Anyways theres my brain wave for tonight...
I know pointless right but i just thought i would let that out or it would of bugged me forever...lol

Night

Really who the hell makes a game where the dog poops and thats how you win?? Please tell me who !!!! This is redonkulious!!!!!! Please comment with your opinions !!!! I would love to hear them !!!

Back and not moving that well...

So im back from surger...ies. Yes I said surgeries. Well i had the expected one done which was getting fixed, so mama cant have anymore kids. The second one they decided to do while i was in there was they decided to fix my umbilical hernia and at the sametime they put my abdominal muscles back together which i think is what hurts the most, cuz honestly having your muscles swon back together isnt probably the best feeling in the world. So now i am out of commission for 5 weeks i cant life anything over 15lbs so i cant lift my daughter or my son i cant use my stomach muscles cuz they dont want me to puches so basically as of right now im a waste of space...lol. But either way At least everything is fixed now and i dont have to worry about my insides falling out again and it will be easier for me to loose the weight now that they corrected my muscles which is why i wasnt loosing it in the first place from having my son cuz theve been like that since i had him, well at least thats what the surgern said.

Anyways this is just a quick one!!! So ill try and have something else to talk about soon time

The countdown begins...

So today i had my pre op apointment and went in and everything checked out ok and everything. Tomorrow when i talk to the surgern he will tell we weather or not he will also preform a patch job for the Umbilical Hernia that i had along with also doing my tubal ligation, i would personally prefer it that way considering its all done at once and i wouldnt have to go back for surgery later down the road. Just get it done and over with thats what i say. So in otherwards dont expect an update from me tomorrow unless i am capable of getting things up and running with the laptop just so i can stay sane from being in bed and all. im gonna need to do something to keep me from getting up everytime my kids cry or whatever...lol.

Ella also had her apointment with the peds today and everything checked out basically she was actually impressed that a two month old was holding her head up so well and starting to teeth at this early of a stage. There was however one downside to the whole apointment other then her getting her shots, was that she needs to have physio. Her head always goes to the right side of her body and i guess shes is afaird that if she doesnt have physio that her nuscles wont develop properly and will cause issues later on in life. So we now have to start those apointments as well. The ped. thinks that cuz she was so big ( yeah 12lbs 3oz for those of you that dont know her weight at NATURAL birth) and sweeeeshed inside of me her head and neck may not of developed the way the should of, which explains why her head is kinda a weird shape as well. I will do whatever the doctors tell me to do at this point i mean weve been through enough already with everything that went wrong at birth.

BUT.....on a milestone note Ella rolled over for the first time tonight which was amazing, unfortuntly i was in the shitter....yeah thats right i said in the shitter....lol. But thanks to my wonderful "Husband" he took a video so i could watch it !!! Which i will post for all to see!!!

Anyways, I am heading to bed shortly just cuz i cant eat...and well i dont want to chance eating anything right now...And i have to be up shorta early i have to be at the hospital for 12:30am and my surgery isnt till 2:30am the very same time as everyone elses apointments....now lets just pray that we all make it through tomorrow...and im sure that if we do i will only have one person to thank for it and that would be Jennifer!!!!! :P She is my saving grace right now !!!!

Anyways off i go, night night !!!

Yeah Comfort!!!

so today damien went in for his shot and well surprise to us all.... he did not cry !!! What a big boy !!!

I also went on a "feild trip" if you will to Walmart tonight.... yes life gets a little bit more sheltered once you have two kids your life revolves around what they want and well frankly you dont have much time for yourself anymore. But anyways, I had to go and buy a abdominal support thing for my lovely umbilical hernia but it also helps with lower back which is a bouns seeing as i have lower back problems as well....and i only paid $26 bucks for it rather then the $140 the medical stores wanted for it...ewwwwww. Im pooooor !!!

And..well being a mother you CAN NOT go to any store period without buying your kids something.. i swear i can not leave a store weather my kids are with me or not without grabbing something for them, i think its a mother thing. But i ended up buying Ella a play mat, a car seat toy (seeing as the girl HATES her car seat, she hates anything that straps her down), and a UV + insect thingy seeing as i seemed to have misplaced the old one i had for Damien.

Now tomorrow I have the lovely pleasures of heading to the hospital for my pre-admission apointment and as well as Ellas shots. And I am not allowed to smoke at all tomorrow as well as a couple of days after my surgery soooo im gonna be the bigger person admist all of this and just try and quit, in hopes that everyone will be helpful with that decission it might just work !!!

Anyhoodles my rantings for tonight are done. Ill more then likely be back tomorrow with some more rantings about absolutly nothing, unless someone gives me something to rant about

Night All

Week from hell...

so this week is gonna be the week from hell tomorrow we have all our doctor apointments. D gets his check up and his shots, I have to go over my x-ray results, get the doctor to sign my day surgery papers, and go over the fact of having another surgery to correct my hernia in my belly button which is called Umbilical hernia...ugh. and also the possiblity of having my abdomin muscles sown back together in the process. Im just falling apart.. but meh cant stress to much cuz its just adds to the already stress i have in life. Adam also has to go over his ultrasound results about his knee.

Then on the 21st i go to the hospital for my pre op apointment as well as ellas apointment for her check up and her shots.

22nd is the day from hell i go in for my day surgery, Ella has to go back to MAC for her ultrasound and check up about her blood clot. and noni is also going for her apointment for her arm soooo i have to call my good friend to come over and watch me and Damien as well as bringing her own son along for the ride....the one i start babysitting on july 18th to make some extra cash seeing as i cant go back to work just yet.

im cancelling our pictures again at walmart for the 23rd cuz well i have surgery the day before and gawd only knows how im gonna feel.

But yeah thats the jist of my fricking week. and then along with all that i have to pack things for either a hospital stay or to go to the trailer...depends on what happens. and get Damien ready for his porgram that starts on July 18th. :D YEAH SCHOOL !!!

Anyways until another day that i feel like typing about my wonderful busy world of motherhood...lol

All new me weather you like it or not!!!

So its been a really long time since i last posted anything at all. Life has gotten in the way of me spending quaility time with the computer. Anyways, there have been some changes made within my life that i AM happy about, weather some people choose to believe it or not.

I think the problem people are having with everything is that i no longer choose to decuse every little detail of my life with them. But believe it or not I am happy, happier then I have ever been before. I have my family now and things are different this time around, nothing is like the last time. In fact I am no longer holding how i feel inside which was my major problem with every aspect of my life with anyone who was in it. We are even talking about marriage... and if a certain someone has an issue with that... her and her lovely little boyfriend can kiss my ass cuz frankly i dont give a shit about them anymore... i have erased you from my life!! Even with being the one who brought me into it!!! I said my peace towards you and you cant seen to accept that so i am done and have said that directly to you.

When it comes to other people who cant seem to understand things either.. well let me put it this way. I do not epect those people to take on the world, i dont expect them to take on my problems either... and that is particaly my fault knowing that you are like that with me, kinda as in a motherly way i guess. But yes it is paricly my fault for telling all my problems to you, and you only hearing all the negative things in my life and not enough of the positive things, which yes it did give you a bad outlook on things. I have grown to realise that i dont need to talk to anyone anymore except for the person i am having the issues with...thus me telling my mother where to stick it!!

Either way i guess the point to this post is to say Im sorry for burdening you with my bullshit. And i no longer want to burden you with my bullshit. however I do miss your presence within my life. And my son also misses you and Adam as well. he always asks me when hes going to see the two of you... and for that very reason I want to put whatever it is that happened behind us. I know that you feel that i will disrupt your balance in life... but i will no longer tell you things that you feel the need to take responsibility for anymore. I know that is your weakness.. as much as me telling you EVERYTHING was mine.

With that i leave with
I love you and miss you !!